5 Halloween candies only a**holes give out

People always make fun of the killjoys who give out apples, pennies or pencils for Halloween.  It’s the low-hanging fruit of Halloween-based comedy.  We’re going to focus on the people who show utter contempt for trick-or-treaters by giving out these candies.


Necco Wafers



Chalky disks that vaguely taste like antacid and toothpaste.  Necco stands for New England Confectionery Company, which claims to be the oldest continuously operating candy company in the United States — which makes sense because only your grandmother likes them.   Necco is also the same company that makes the Valentine’s Day conversation hearts — another hate crime against candy.



They first appeared in the 1920s and probably seemed like a treat when the alternative was an old potato.   They’re basically the same thing as Mary Jane which are also made by Necco.  No surprise.

Candy Corn 


Nobody actually likes candy corn but we all eat it.  Something about having them sitting in a dish on the coffee table makes them irresistible. But if you give them to trick-or-treaters, you’re an a-hole.  If you take the time to put them in little baggies, you’re a war criminal.

3 Musketeers

Credit: Getty Images &

Credit: Getty Images &

They come from the candy version of the Baldwin family.

Snickers = Alec.

Milky Way = Billy.

3 Musketeer = The other ones.

Those generic things in the black and orange wrapper


Do these things have a name? If you Google “black and orange” candy, you’ll find them.  They’re allegedly peanut butter flavored but they’re definitely the preferred candy of people who want to poison kids.

Now you know and knowing is half the battle.




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